Monsters at My Door
Dear Sue Ellen,
I am a mother of 3 kiddos and they are getting excited about Halloween. We live in a neighborhood that gets behind trick or treating, and it is a lot of fun. The thing I have seen the past couple of years is how much more evil-looking the costumes are. When I was a kid we dressed as Strawberry Shortcake, Wonder Woman, Superman and cute scarecrows; stuff like that. Now kids want to dress up as Zombies, vampires and terrifying aliens. I am thinking about boycotting any kids coming to my door for treat-or-treat that are dressed in violent, evil costumes. Will you join me in my campaign?
Dear Sensible Mama;
I too long for sweet princesses in pink and dashing pirates to entertain me on Halloween rather than (fake) blood-drenched ghouls. It’s been my observation over the years that there has always been an element of the dark side lurking around on Halloween night. The word on the street is Halloween represents a pagan celebration where you release your evil tendencies in preparation for a day of cleansing on November 1st.
You have inspired me to start my own campaign. It wouldn’t be to punish scary little monsters at my door; it would be to fine their parents for using poor judgment in how they let their children dress up for trick-or-treat. I would post signs everywhere that says “if you come to this door as a bloody hooker, zombie, alien, vampire, plastic axe toting monster or any other not-so-nice character, your parents will receive a $10 fine for letting you dress that way”. I would appoint Costume Police to serve every neighborhood and even include rural areas where the tradition of trick-or-treat is celebrated. Inappropriately dressed children would be sent home. I would also determine what tricks would be allowed, for that night only. For example: rolling someone’s yard would be okay, but you can only use 1 double roll of any brand toilet paper. Egging a house would not be permitted. There would be a curfew. The witching hour would end at midnight if it is on a weekend night (Friday or Saturday); and 9:00PM if it is a school night. I would use all the $10 fines to award churches, clubs and other organizations that offer alternative celebrations such as fall harvests and trunk & treat parties.
In retrospect, this campaign makes me sad when I think about all the little innocent children that would be left out because their parent’s let them dress in a way that is not allowable. Therefore, I respectfully withdraw from participating in either your, or my, campaign.
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