Dear Sue Ellen
I hear and see things on the internet and TV about girls that are mean to other girls. But what about girls that are mean to boys? My 14-year-old son is crazy about his first girlfriend but she is really mean to him. He can’t see past her beauty to see that she is selfish and hateful. Am I supposed to watch this mean girl break his heart and do nothing to prevent it?
We all have regrets as parents. One of my biggest regrets is that I didn’t teach my son to beware of pretty girls with selfish agendas coming after him. It has caused him a lot of trouble that could have been avoided if he had known that just because a girl is pretty, or smart, or smitten with him it would automatically be a good thing to get close to her. Trouble and temptation often come wrapped in a beautiful seductive package.
There comes a time when we gradually let our children start making their own decisions. If you try to discourage your son at this point, will he listen to you? Probably not. Maybe you could sit down with him and express your concerns anyway. He may not agree, but at least you would have warned him. When this relationship blows up, don’t you dare tell him “I told you so”. That would make you a mean Mom. Be patient, loving and supportive.
Have you had the sex talk with him? Mean girls sometimes use sex to control boys. He should be aware of that.
If your son’s grades start dropping or his personality changes and he becomes moody or unpleasant you might consider taking a harder “tough love” approach and have a family intervention or demand that he break-up with her. Mean girls like to create discord and strife. They love the drama. They also like to isolate their targeted victim from friends and family. Did I mention that mean girls are sometimes abusive?
To all parents of boys: Please teach your sons about mean girls. They can destroy a good boy. Teach your sons to stay away from girls that don’t show good moral character. Teach them that abstaining from sex until the right time (preferably when they get married) is a good thing. They won’t die from lack of sex. To all parents of mean girls: I am not hating on your daughters. They are looking for love in the wrong way. Please show your daughters love and direction. Teach them the value of being a good person. You may have to watch your son’s heart be broken by this mean girl. Whatever direction you choose to go in coping with this situation, temper it with love, patience and kindness.
Please email your parenting questions to email@example.com and put “Parent’s Corner” in the Subject line.